UK News
How do I respond to my friends when they criticize their own weight and looks? | Well actually
Hi Ugly,
How do I respond to my friends when they criticize their bodies, faces, skin?
One friend frequently complains about her weight. It would feel preachy to tell her that she’s supporting the beauty industrial complex and reinforcing a status quo that keeps women fixated on their physical appearance. But saying, “You’re beautiful!” feels shallow. Another friend told me she needs to get more Botox soon because she hates the lines in her forehead. I told her (honestly) that I don’t see any lines, but she blew me off, saying it was the wrong lighting and I was being too generous.
How do I navigate these conversations?
– Conversationally Confused
The only thing contemporary beauty culture hates more than an ugly woman? A judgy woman – particularly if she has an opinion about other women’s beauty behaviors. These days, any criticism of cosmetics must conclude with the disclaimer: “No judgment, though!”
I personally think we’d all benefit from harsher judgment of the oppressive standards sustaining the $427bn diet industry and $700bn beauty industry, but I also think you’re right. When a friend tells you she’s worried about her weight, “you’re an agent of the patriarchy” isn’t a helpful response.
“You’re beautiful!” isn’t great, either – it reinforces the idea that individual beauty is the solution to the insecurity that beauty culture breeds in us all. Yes, your looks do determine your worth, you might as well say. But you look good, so it’s not your problem!
It’s been a minute since I’ve had to navigate a situation like this myself. (When you’re a curmudgeonly industry critic, your community knows exactly where you stand on the subject of skin-plumping salmon sperm injections – works like a charm!) So I reached out to some colleagues to get their takes.
“These moments can feel like the perfect opening to challenge beauty standards,” says beauty reporter Zeynab Mohamed. “But in reality, they’re rarely the right time for that kind of conversation and can go very wrong.” Instead, she says, “listen without judgment, and without overcompensating with compliments.”
Exchanges like these are signs to strike up more beauty-related discourse. “The key is to make conversations more frequent, so they don’t feel like an attack,” Mohamed says. Rather than pegging these chats to their (or your) perceived aesthetic shortcomings, “be more intentional about having [general] conversations around the beauty industry, the pressure we internalize and the standards we work so hard to meet and maintain.”
Invite a friend over to watch The Substance or American Psycho and break down the beauty themes over a bottle of wine after. Drop a critical book or podcast episode in the group chat. (“Unshrinking by Kate Manne blew my mind! Anyone want to read and discuss?”) Share this Tressie McMillan Cottom video about the “everyday eugenics” of GLP-1s to your Instagram story and see who responds.
Another option: connect and commiserate. “I don’t try to dissuade them from their perspective … because I will never be more persuasive than the critical voice that lives in their head,” beauty journalist Val Monroe shares. “But I tell them how I respond to my own occasional dissatisfaction with my appearance, which, for the most part, involves turning outward.”
How have you dealt with your dissatisfaction? Share it with the class! It can be as simple as, I know what you mean. I was so fixated on my crow’s feet on a Zoom call once that I had to disable the mirror video function and meditate for 20 minutes after work. It actually helped! Cheaper than a red light mask, anyway.
Virginia Sole-Smith, writer of the body liberation newsletter Burnt Toast, recommends adopting a “hate the game, not the player” mentality. “I try to lean into responses like: ‘Wouldn’t it be cool if we didn’t have to devote so much time and money to all of this?’”
It’s also fine to not engage. “If the friend talks about these things in ways that you find triggering, I think it’s very valid to say: ‘Sorry, I love you but I’m just not the friend for Botox talk,’” Sole-Smith says. “Set that boundary.”
If your discussion partner seems down for debate, “try to move the conversation toward the politics behind it”, suggests Moshtari Hilal, author of Ugliness. “Instead of reassuring friends that they’re beautiful, I ask why it matters so much to them,” she says. “‘Would you love or respect me less if my appearance changed? Do you deserve to be treated better for having youthful skin or a symmetrical face?”
More from Jessica DeFino:
No, these aren’t easy questions. Yes, they could lead to some tough talks. Most modern beauty standards have roots in white supremacy, colonialism, capitalism, sexism and other destructive forces. But, as Hilal puts it, don’t you “expect a certain depth and integrity in [your] friendships?”
Breaking the pattern of “appearance talk” could benefit all involved. This negative commentary about bodies and faces permeates society. Think of your mother calling herself “bad” for ordering dessert or the self-critique-as-social-bonding scene in Mean Girls. But it isn’t innocuous. Research shows that participating in or simply listening to appearance talk can increase body dissatisfaction and anxiety, which may in turn lead to harmful diet and beauty behaviors.
“These ideas are contagious,” Hilal says.
Could shifting negativity away from individual bodies and faces and toward systems and structures be contagious too? Of course. Second-wave feminists called it “consciousness-raising”. Gabbing with your girlfriends about the ageism inherent in anti-ageing won’t change the world – organizing and legislating against discrimination does that – but it could help externalize the shame of beauty culture, challenge false beliefs and alleviate appearance anxiety.
Some friends might not be into analyzing Ozempic via text. Maybe your Botox-loving BFF wants a compliment on her freshly frozen forehead and nothing more. It’s up to you how to handle that.
Hilal finds it tough to be around people who fixate on, say, wrinkles or body shape. “If your fear of ‘ugliness’ doesn’t lead to care or compassion, but to reproducing those standards as its salesman, I need to take a step back from the relationship.”
Hey – no judgment here.
UK News
King Charles visits New York after Trump says UK monarch ‘agrees with me’ on Iran – US politics live | Donald Trump
King Charles visits New York after Trump says UK monarch ‘agrees with me’ on Iran
Hello and welcome to the US politics live blog.
Britain’s King Charles will use a trip to New York today to showcase cultural and economic ties between the UK and the US at a time when the so-called “special relationship” is under strain.
It is the third day of a four-day state visit, clouded by tensions over the Iran war, that began in Washington with president Donald Trump greeting the monarch and his wife, Queen Camilla, AFP reported.
The New York leg will first see the royals take part in a wreath-laying ceremony at the 9/11 memorial to mark 25 years since the terror attacks that killed nearly 3,000 people. The city’s mayor Zohran Mamdani is not expected to meet Charles privately but will join him for the ceremony.
“This atrocity was a defining moment for America and your pain and shock were felt around the whole world,” Charles told the US Congress on Tuesday.
“We stood with you then. And we stand with you now in solemn remembrance of a day that shall never be forgotten,” he added in a speech that called for unity among western powers.
It comes as Trump said Charles agrees with him that Iran should never be allowed nuclear weapons. The president’s comments are likely to cause some embarrassment to royal aides that his views have been made public.
Trump said in his speech at the white-tie event on Tuesday evening:
We’re doing a little Middle East work right now … and we’re doing very well. We have militarily defeated that particular opponent, and we’re never going to let that opponent ever, Charles agrees with me even more than I do, we’re never going to let that opponent have a nuclear weapon.
They know that, and they’ve known it right now, very powerfully.
A Buckingham Palace spokesperson said:
The king is naturally mindful of his government’s longstanding and well-known position on the prevention of nuclear proliferation.
In other developments:
-
Todd Blanche, the former defense lawyer for Donald Trump now serving as acting US attorney general, announced two charges against James Comey, the former FBI director and deputy attorney general for allegedly “knowing and willfully making a threat to kill” the president of the United States in a social media post.
-
Patrick Fitzgerald, a former US attorney for the northern district of Illinois who now represents James Comey, said that his client, “vigorously denies the charges” filed against him.
-
US defense secretary Pete Hegseth will face tough questions from lawmakers about the Iran war on Wednesday during his first testimony to Congress since the start of the conflict.
-
President Trump will welcomes the Artemis II astronauts to the White House later today. The capsule returned to Florida’s Kennedy Space Center on Tuesday, almost a month after blasting off on humanity’s first lunar trip in more than a half century.
-
The supreme court will hear arguments Wednesday over the Trump administration’s push to end legal protections for migrants fleeing war and natural disaster, one in a series of immigration cases the high court is considering against the backdrop of the president’s far-reaching immigration crackdown.
-
The US Federal Reserve is widely expected to hold interest rates steady on Wednesday after a key policy meeting, likely the last chaired by central bank chief Jerome Powell. Policymakers will weigh the risks of surging energy prices and snarled supply chains due to the US-Israel war on Iran, with analysts widely expecting a third pause in a row.
Key events
Ukrainian president Volodymyr Zelenskyy has thanked King Charles for his speech in Washington yesterday.
He said:
I thank His Majesty King Charles III, royal family, the United Kingdom, and all valiant American hearts for this clarion call for unity in support of Ukraine across the Atlantic.
This is exactly what is needed to bring dignified and lasting peace to Ukraine and all of Europe. The people of Ukraine deeply appreciate all the support provided by the United Kingdom and the United States. Thank-you.
US president Donald Trump has warned Iran that “they better get smart soon” and sign a non-nuclear deal, in his latest social media post.
Trump shared an image of himself, wearing sunglasses and carrying a gun, set against the backdrop of – presumably – Middle Eastern towns and villages being bombed, with the caption “No more Mr Nice Guy”.
He wrote:
Iran can’t get their act together. They don’t know how to sign a nonnuclear deal. They better get smart soon! President DJT
In his state dinner speech King Charles appeared to suggest to president Trump that the purpose of his state visit was to “put the ‘special’ back into our relationship” – just as Queen Elizabeth II did almost 70 years ago.
Charles spoke about the ties between Britain and the US, and implied it mirrored events in the aftermath of the 1956 Suez crisis, when Elizabeth toured the US to help repair relations.
Britain was left humiliated when the US refused to support its campaign with France to regain control of the Suez canal from Egypt, and the brief conflict marked the end of the UK’s role as a global military power.
Charles told the dinner guests, who included the Amazon founder, Jeff Bezos, and the golfer Rory McIlroy: “And yes, we have had our moments of difficulty, even in more recent history. When my mother visited in 1957, not the least of her tasks was to help put the ‘special’ back into our relationship after a crisis in the Middle East.”
Some of the guests laughed when the king said: “Nearly 70 years on, it is hard to imagine anything like that happening today…”
King Charles to visit New York to commemorate 9/11 victims
Britain’s King Charles and his wife Queen Camilla arrive in New York on Wednesday to commemorate victims of the 11 September terror attacks on the city.
The king and queen’s scheduled arrival in New York follows a packed day in Washington on Tuesday, when Charles delivered a speech to Congress, held private meetings with president Donald Trump amid tensions between the US and UK over the Iran war and sat down with leaders of the US tech industry, Reuters reported.
Charles and Camilla will begin their day in New York with a ceremony at the 9/11 memorial in lower Manhattan, where the twin towers of the World Trade Center were destroyed by al-Qaeda suicide bombers on 11 September, 2001. Charles is expected to meet with New York City’s mayor, Zohran Mamdani, at the ceremony.
The king will then head to Harlem to visit a grassroots community organization that created a sustainable after-school urban farming initiative in an effort to combat food insecurity, according to local media.
Meanwhile, Camilla will celebrate the 100th birthday of AA Milne’s fictional character Winnie the Pooh on behalf of her charity, The Queen’s Reading Room, which Buckingham Palace is calling a “literary engagement” event.
US supreme court to hear whether protected status of Haitians and Syrians can be revoked
José Olivares
The supreme court will hear oral arguments on Wednesday over whether the Trump administration can strip the temporary protected status (TPS) of hundreds of thousands of Syrians and Haitians, under a program that has protected them from deportation due to safety concerns in their home countries.
People with TPS are given the permission to live and work in the US because the government has deemed their home countries to be unsafe due to war, political instability or natural disasters. In the past year, the Trump administration has attempted to cut the program for various countries, opening the door to the removal of hundreds of thousands of protected immigrants in the US.
Last year, the supreme court allowed the administration to strip TPS status for more than 300,000 Venezuelans under the court’s emergency docket. Now, the court will hear arguments challenging the Trump administration’s efforts to remove the same protections from Syrians and Haitians.
If the supreme court sides with the Trump administration in its effort to cut the program for Syrians and Haitians, analysts say the administration would likely seek to end the TPS program for all countries. Nearly 1.3 million people were TPS holders at the start of the second Trump administration.
The TPS program, established in 1990, does not offer a pathway to citizenship but allows citizens from designated countries to live and work in the US if they are unable to return safely to their home countries. TPS designations can be extended by the Department of Homeland Security (DHS).
Haitians have been protected from deportation under the TPS program since 2010 and Syrians have been protected since 2012. Earlier this month, the House passed legislation to extend the protection for Haitian immigrants under the TPS program for three years.
David Smith
A flick of Oscar Wilde here, a nod to Henry Kissinger there, a sprinkling of Charles Dickens here, a dollop of Abraham Lincoln and Theodore Roosevelt there. Job done!
The British monarch mobilised an elite squad of dead white men, leavened with humour and subliminal politicking, on Tuesday in a charm offensive aimed over Donald Trump’s head and squarely at the US Congress. Judging by the cheers and minute-long applause he received at the end, the soft power flex worked a treat and the special relationship lives to fight another day.
But the king’s central message – of two great nations entwined in destiny – was also an inadvertent reminder of two empires that look increasingly shabby these days with rightwing populists on the march and the ghost of the sex offender Jeffrey Epstein hovering in the shadows.
Charles became the first British king to address the Congress almost exactly 250 years after the US denounced his fifth great-grandfather as a tyrant and declared its independence. “You’ll be back,” predicted George III in Hamilton and yet cricket, damp and a lack of air conditioning never clinched the deal.
What would America’s founding fathers have made of seeing George III’s direct descendant speak to their successors? Donald Trump mused at the White House on Tuesday: “They might be absolutely shocked but probably only for a moment. Surely they would be delighted that the wounds of war healed into the most cherished friendship.”
Well, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Franklin and co would surely be more shocked to discover that they now have their own mad king in the White House. If Charles spots signs saying “No kings” on his travels, he shouldn’t take it personally.
King Charles visits New York after Trump says UK monarch ‘agrees with me’ on Iran
Hello and welcome to the US politics live blog.
Britain’s King Charles will use a trip to New York today to showcase cultural and economic ties between the UK and the US at a time when the so-called “special relationship” is under strain.
It is the third day of a four-day state visit, clouded by tensions over the Iran war, that began in Washington with president Donald Trump greeting the monarch and his wife, Queen Camilla, AFP reported.
The New York leg will first see the royals take part in a wreath-laying ceremony at the 9/11 memorial to mark 25 years since the terror attacks that killed nearly 3,000 people. The city’s mayor Zohran Mamdani is not expected to meet Charles privately but will join him for the ceremony.
“This atrocity was a defining moment for America and your pain and shock were felt around the whole world,” Charles told the US Congress on Tuesday.
“We stood with you then. And we stand with you now in solemn remembrance of a day that shall never be forgotten,” he added in a speech that called for unity among western powers.
It comes as Trump said Charles agrees with him that Iran should never be allowed nuclear weapons. The president’s comments are likely to cause some embarrassment to royal aides that his views have been made public.
Trump said in his speech at the white-tie event on Tuesday evening:
We’re doing a little Middle East work right now … and we’re doing very well. We have militarily defeated that particular opponent, and we’re never going to let that opponent ever, Charles agrees with me even more than I do, we’re never going to let that opponent have a nuclear weapon.
They know that, and they’ve known it right now, very powerfully.
A Buckingham Palace spokesperson said:
The king is naturally mindful of his government’s longstanding and well-known position on the prevention of nuclear proliferation.
In other developments:
-
Todd Blanche, the former defense lawyer for Donald Trump now serving as acting US attorney general, announced two charges against James Comey, the former FBI director and deputy attorney general for allegedly “knowing and willfully making a threat to kill” the president of the United States in a social media post.
-
Patrick Fitzgerald, a former US attorney for the northern district of Illinois who now represents James Comey, said that his client, “vigorously denies the charges” filed against him.
-
US defense secretary Pete Hegseth will face tough questions from lawmakers about the Iran war on Wednesday during his first testimony to Congress since the start of the conflict.
-
President Trump will welcomes the Artemis II astronauts to the White House later today. The capsule returned to Florida’s Kennedy Space Center on Tuesday, almost a month after blasting off on humanity’s first lunar trip in more than a half century.
-
The supreme court will hear arguments Wednesday over the Trump administration’s push to end legal protections for migrants fleeing war and natural disaster, one in a series of immigration cases the high court is considering against the backdrop of the president’s far-reaching immigration crackdown.
-
The US Federal Reserve is widely expected to hold interest rates steady on Wednesday after a key policy meeting, likely the last chaired by central bank chief Jerome Powell. Policymakers will weigh the risks of surging energy prices and snarled supply chains due to the US-Israel war on Iran, with analysts widely expecting a third pause in a row.
The explosion in Dunmurry on Saturday has heightened security fears for civilians who work for the PSNI, says union representative.
Source link
UK News
Consequences of Iran war ‘may echo for months or years to come,’ EU chief warns – Europe live | European Union
EU needs to reduce its overdependency on imported fossil fuels, and focus on clean energy supply, von der Leyen says
On the Middle East, von der Leyen says that the EU “want the ceasefires in Iran and Lebanon to hold,” with urgent need to “re-establish peace and stability through diplomatic means.”
But she warns that “the consequences of this conflict may echo for months or even years to come.”
“This is the second energy crisis within four years, and the lesson should be very clear. Our overdependency on imported fossil fuels makes us vulnerable. … We must reduce our overdependency on imported fossil fuels and boost our home-grown, affordable, clean energy supply. From renewables to nuclear, in full respect of technology neutrality.”
Key events
‘On my way to Brussels!,’ incoming Hungary’s PM Magyar says ahead of EU meetings
Hungary’s incoming prime minister Péter Magyar has just posted a social media update that he is on his way to Brussels for his talks with the European Commission president, Ursula von der Leyen, and the European Council president, António Costa.
“A huge mandate, a strong mandate, a great responsibility!
We know our task: we will bring home the EU funds that Hungarians are entitled to. More soon.”
Meta found in breach of EU law for failing to keep children off platforms
Jennifer Rankin
in Brussels
The tech company Meta has been found to be in breach of EU law for failing to prevent children under 13 from using its Facebook and Instagram platforms.
Issuing the preliminary findings of a nearly two-year investigation, the European Commission said on Wednesday that Meta did not have effective measures in place to stop under-13s accessing its services.
The US tech company was unable to meet its own terms and conditions that set 13 as the minimum age to access Facebook and Instagram safely, the commission said.
Following an initial assessment, Meta was found in breach of the EU’s Digital Services Act (DSA), which requires it to “diligently identify and mitigate the risks” of under-13s using its platforms.
The commission said its preliminary findings “do not prejudge the final outcome of the investigation”.
A Meta spokesperson said the company disagreed with the preliminary findings.
“We’re clear that Instagram and Facebook are intended for people aged 13 and older and we have measures in place to detect and remove accounts from anyone under that age. We continue to invest in technologies to find and remove underage users and will have more to share next week about additional measures rolling out soon.”
Timmy the whale en route to North Sea as rescue operation moves from Germany
In somewhat lighter news, we know that many of you have been following the saga of Timmy the whale and the audacious attempt to rescue him from Germany and send him back to the Atlantic Ocean. Our Kate Connolly reported on this in detail.
Timmy is now properly under way towards the Atlantic, travelling at steady 4.5kn (8.5 km/h). The plan is to take him around the northern end of Denmark and then release into the wild again – but it will take a few days to get there.
You can follow his journey aboard a custom-made whale barge – essentially a giant steel aquarium – pulled by Fortuna B ship here.
Russians ‘feel they live behind digital iron curtain,’ EU chief says
In von der Leyen’s speech earlier, there was one other notable passage.
When talking about Russia, she warned that as the Russian economy is increasingly struggling with the impact of sanctions, “the Kremlin responds in an unusual way by restricting the internet and free communication.”
“So much so that Russians feel that they live behind an iron curtain again; this time a digital iron curtain. But, hon members, if history has one lesson, it’s that all walls eventually fall.”
Germany arrests man suspected of espionage for Russia
A Kazakh man was arrested in Germany for alleged espionage for Russia, which allegedly included passing on details on Germany’s military infrastructure and its support for Ukraine to Moscow.
The Federal Prosecutor’s Office said the man, identified only as Sergei K, was particularly interested in the German arms and defence industry, including companies developing drones and robots, and offered hints as to “suitable targets for sabotage in Germany,” offering to recruit accomplices to help him carry them out.
He will appear in court later today.
EU needs to coordinate more on fuel reserves, focus on electrifying Europe, von der Leyen says
Von der Leyen says that “every member state has a different energy mix,” so no blanket EU solution would work.
But she calls for more coordination not just on common procurement, but also on fuel reserves, “especially jet fuel and diesel, where markets are tightening.”
She adds that the EU needs to “protect consumers and businesses,” but targeting “the most vulnerable households and industries only.”
Von der Leyen says that previously too much money was spent on “untargeted” interventions, and this needs to change.
She says the EU needs to “reduce energy demand by modernising systemic energy use,” with grid reforms,
“ Let us use this to make the switch to electricity – not just in transport, but also in industry and heating. This is not only a matter of affordability and competitiveness; this is also a matter of economic security. Thus, speaking of European independence, this is the moment to electrify Europe.”
EU needs to reduce its overdependency on imported fossil fuels, and focus on clean energy supply, von der Leyen says
On the Middle East, von der Leyen says that the EU “want the ceasefires in Iran and Lebanon to hold,” with urgent need to “re-establish peace and stability through diplomatic means.”
But she warns that “the consequences of this conflict may echo for months or even years to come.”
“This is the second energy crisis within four years, and the lesson should be very clear. Our overdependency on imported fossil fuels makes us vulnerable. … We must reduce our overdependency on imported fossil fuels and boost our home-grown, affordable, clean energy supply. From renewables to nuclear, in full respect of technology neutrality.”
‘We will continue our support to Ukraine,’ von der Leyen declares
Commission president von der Leyen is speaking now and begins with an update on the €90bn loan for Ukraine.
She says the EU always insisted it would deliver the loan “one way or the other,” and it’s now done as Hungary has dropped its veto.
The first tranche of €45bn will be paid out “this quarter,” she says.
“Our message is clear: we will continue our support to the brave Ukrainian people and their armed forces.”
She also repeats that “while Russia doubles down on its aggression, Europe doubles down on our support to Ukraine.”
Morning opening: Iran, Hungary and your holidays
Jakub Krupa
European Commission president Ursula von der Leyen is set to brief EU lawmakers on the bloc’s view of the Iran war and the likely impact on the European economies.
Her assessment will probably strike a tricky balance as she wants to reassure them that everything is in hand, while making it also clear that things may get tricky further down the line.
Only last week, the commission talked about a number of measures it had at its disposal to soften the blow, and sought to assure Europeans that their holidays are not (yet) at risk.
I will bring you all the key lines from her speech here.
Later today, von der Leyen will welcome Hungary’s incoming prime minister Péter Magyar as he continues his bid to get a political agreement with the EU on accelerated reforms in key areas in exchange for unfreezing billions of euros in EU funds.
Magyar, who will only formally take the job on 9 May, is a man in hurry as the future of some €10bn of EU funds need to be decided before August. It’s going to be a busy summer in Budapest. If you’re a Tisza MP, I wouldn’t book your holidays.
It’s Wednesday, 29 April 2026, it’s Jakub Krupa here, and this is Europe Live.
Good morning.
King Charles visits New York after Trump says UK monarch ‘agrees with me’ on Iran – US politics live | Donald Trump
Women in Collaboration hosts London finance leaders
Sheffield Wednesday surprise after heavy Oxford United loss
-
Crime & Safety1 week agoBicester man denies sexually assaulting two young girls
-
UK News1 week agoStarmer says it ‘beggars belief’ he wasn’t told about Mandelson vetting failure as he faces Commons – UK politics live | Politics
-
UK News1 week agoTV tonight: Shetland meets CSI in a new drama about a disgraced cop | Television
-
Crime & Safety2 weeks agoLorry overturns on Oxfordshire A43 roundabout with driver trapped
-
Oxford News1 week agoBanbury cake company with 400 year history shut down
-
UK News2 weeks agoFears over rogue parking by sunrise-chasers at national park after overnight ban
-
UK News1 week agoPhones to be banned in schools by law in England under government plans
-
UK News1 week agoMasterChef review – the BBC’s disgraced cookery show is warmer, sharper and funnier than ever | MasterChef