For years, I have been caught in a tiresome, expensive cycle: when I’m bored (or sad, or insecure) I scroll through my phone, looking for stuff to buy. In those moments, it feels like the right purchase will relieve me of ennui or unpleasantness. These shoes will make my life more glamorous! This face wash will make me feel forever beautiful!

Sometimes this rush lasts up to two days after I receive my item. But the excitement fades – sometimes as soon as I click “confirm purchase” – and I inevitably think: “Why did I do that?”

So how does one start shopping less? We asked experts and people who have pared down their own spending.

Why do we overconsume?

Struggling with some degree of impulse shopping is common in this day and age, says Alexa Brown, a musician with the Omaha Symphony who also runs the YouTube channel Conscious Consumerism.

“I really think society has been optimized to fuel consumerism at every turn,” she says.

Between insidious marketing that preys on our most vulnerable insecurities, data tracking that produces ultra-personalized ads, and online influencers hawking every product one can imagine, overconsumption is not just a norm, it’s an aspiration, Brown argues.

Shopping can be an effective way to distract ourselves from stress, anxiety and boredom, says Nicholas Garofola, a content creator who posts about minimalism and frugal living.

Spending is “exciting”, Garofola says. “There’s a tangible novelty to having something new.”

And sometimes we might not know what else to do.

“Many people don’t know how to function outside of consumption,” says Shelby Orme, a sustainability expert and content creator. Orme says adults in her family didn’t have hobbies, so shopping became a major activity. It becomes a hobby for a lot of people, she argues, so choosing not to participate in the consumerist hamster wheel “can feel isolating”.

What is the problem with overconsumption?

Firstly, it can get expensive. Consumer debt is rising in the UK and US. The average adult in the UK carries £1,425 ($1,900) in credit card debt; in the US, the number is a whopping $6,715 (£5,030).

Debt can take a toll on one’s physical and emotional health. Studies have shown that those with consumer debt who are in financial distress are more likely to report higher anxiety, lower life satisfaction, drug and alcohol abuse, as well as physical symptoms such as migraines and digestive tract problems.

Garofola says that in his own experience, owning a lot of things that he didn’t use felt “heavy”. He ultimately realized that shopping was an avoidance technique: “There’s probably some other problems that need to be addressed if I’m spending to feel happy.”

You also risk damaging your future and your family’s future, says Dr James Grubman, a psychologist and the owner of Family Wealth Consulting in Boston. Besides preventing you from building up financial safety and security, overspending can also hurt relationships, either as a result of acute stress or asking for money from those around you.

The harms also go beyond the individual. Brown points to the severe environmental impacts of producing and consuming so much.

“So many of the cheap, trendy goods, including clothing, are made from plastic,” she says. “It’s disheartening to face the truth that so much of this stuff ends up trashed, sometimes really quickly after it is purchased.”

High demand has also resulted in companies overproducing goods. For clothing alone, statistics show that between 10% and 40% of garments produced every year are not sold. Many of these castoffs end up in places including Ghana and India, where they do harm to the environment and to people’s health.

It can be helpful to keep these things in mind when you’re tempted to order a new throw pillow.

It’s not helpful to blame people for living according to what has been normalized by society. “This is not an exercise in morals or being holier-than-thou,” says Brown. “But it is productive to make every small effort toward less wasteful ways of buying and using stuff. We’re all in this together.”

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How do you shop less?

Terms such as “minimalism” and “conscious consumerism” may evoke images of a drab, ascetic life devoid of indulgence. But experts say that by not wasting your time, money and energy on stuff you don’t need, you’re more able to focus on what truly brings you joy.

Sleep on it. Many online platforms are designed to make shopping fast and easy; see something you like, and it can be yours with a few taps. But forcing yourself to pause – sleeping on it or asking ourselves a few questions first – can make us realize we might not really want that fancy lamp.

When you’re about to buy something, Garofola suggests taking a second to ask yourself why exactly you want to buy this thing, and what you think you will get from it. “I guarantee that will take you from ‘100%, I’m buying this’ to 50/50.”

Start small. A common mistake people make when trying to change their habits is taking on too much at once. Brown says that when she started rethinking her shopping habits, she tried to do a full “no-buy year” – a challenge several other YouTubers have undertaken.

Having unrealistic expectations can make it harder to get back on track when we slip up, which we probably will.

“A constant state of ‘low-buy’ is what I’m striving for, rather than a set period of ‘no-buy,’” Brown says.

If you do relapse, don’t despair. “That’s a normal and necessary part of changing a habit,” says Grubman. Each slip-up also contains valuable information: if you can begin to recognize your patterns and notice what leads you to spend mindlessly, it will be easier to disrupt those patterns in the future.

Keep what you love. Decluttering can be a helpful step when trying to shop less, because you can see how much of what you buy ends up going unused. But this doesn’t mean you need to get rid of everything you own.

“People should focus on what they love,” says Garofola. If you have a collection of mugs or books that brings you joy and you use it a lot, keep it. “Identify what brings you value, and then you’re not buying it for the wrong reasons.”

And don’t fall into the trap of spending money to downsize, he warns. You probably don’t need a new set of acrylic shelves to get organized. As you’re getting rid of things you don’t need, “let yourself be messy”, Garofola says.

Work toward something. “Gritting your teeth and saying ‘don’t spend’ just keeps the focus on spending,” says Grubman. Instead, figure out what you do want – is it to save a certain amount, or to teach your kids good money management? “Go toward a goal, not away from a habit,” Grubman says.

Get a hobby. Shopping can consume a great deal of one’s time, energy and finances, and can feel like its own form of entertainment at times. This is what makes it easy to trade one form of consumerism for another: you tell yourself you won’t buy so many clothes, and you start buying more homewares instead.

“That’s why I emphasize trading shopping for creativity,” says Orme.

If you start shopping less, a new activity can fill the void. Orme suggests “grandma hobbies” such as birding, sewing, mending and gardening. “We traded those pastimes for consumerism,” she says. “I think it’s time we take them back.”

Find community. “Overconsumption isolates us,” says Orme. “If you want to consume less, start by finding community.”

Orme says she joined a crafting group at her local library, and her partner sought out a regular pickup soccer group at a nearby park. Finding groups and activities that support what you really want for yourself allows for more confidence, self-expression and joy, and makes the shift away from shopping more fulfilling.